Ping Pong

The other day I went roaming about on my bicycle. It filled me with pulsating ecstasy, especially with the wind flying at you like a rabid, hungry coyote. Personally, biking about is most euphoric with a lot of wind, because at first it's like you're being blown away, and at the same time it's like you're trying to not get blown away, so you pedal like a Daft Punk song title and it all balances out in the sense that you keep moving foreward, which isn't really balanced, but you know what I mean. Right?

Well anyway, I didn't want to talk about biking, even though biking is awesome. I wanted to talk about ping pong. I don't know why, but who does? Certainly not you. Unless you do know, which is just plain creepy. I mean, how often does someone know something about you that you don't know? Generally those kinds of things happen at parties when someone pats you on the butt and you didn't know he or she had cake in his or her hand. By the way, I like to say "he or she" and all that because not only is it impeccable grammar, it adds to my word count and makes me feel more accomplished in my lengthy writing abilities, even though that's just another way of saying "wordiness" and is basically a bad thing. Shush, you.

So anyway: ping pong. It's a game. With paddles. And balls (or, you know, a ball). And a flat surface. And a net. And some string/rope to hold up the net. And little metal things that help hold up the net too (I guess the net is just a wimp, needing all these things to hold it up), although I suppose those could be wooden or plastic or made out of bone or something, I don't know.

But anyway, you've caught me rambling, and I should get to the point (if there is one). So, I was playing ping pong the other day, and that's why I'm writing about it. Or maybe it's just because ping pong is an awesome game. I mean really, what other games are there that you can hit some small plastic thing and try and make it hit this square-ish bit of wood and then go "yay!" when it hits? It's like a child's game except it doesn't get old or childish--it's in the Olympics, for crying out loud! Maybe people who compete in the Olympics are just trying to act like children. We should build houses for them and then they may feel more grown up. Unless that's what they want us to do. Maybe we should just do nothing and let it all go happily along. Except maybe we aren't happy. Who knows.

Anyway, the word "anyway" is just an awesome word. How many times have I started a paragraph with it? Pretty much all of them if you don't mind a "but" or "so" being in the way. Those "but"s and "so"s. I'll get them. Just like I got Bob Stewart. Actually, who is he? I don't know. Maybe he likes ping pong too, I should call him and ask if he wants to play. I'll be all "Hi Bob, let's go play ping pong" and then he'll be all "oh my god I love ping pong and since you want to play with me I love you too" and then I'll be all "awesome let's go play" and then he'll be all "okay let's do it!" and I'll be all "yay" and then hang up and not know where or when to go to play and feel silly and then I don't know what I would do. Perhaps I'd call back, or maybe just go play ping pong with someone else, because, you know, I don't know who Bob is anyway. He's probably one of those wild cat people who sing and dance on hands as well has legs and feet. Maybe he has psychic powers too. Actually if he has psychic powers I wouldn't want to play with him because he'd do things that shouldn't be done while you are playing ping pong. Like making food hover right in front of his mouth so he can eat and play. That's just unfair. Unless he did the same with my food; then that'd be alright. And by "same," I don't mean he'd eat my food, I meant he'd hover it in front of my face. So I could eat it. Because eating food rocks. Or, you know, cakes.

Now anyway, when I was playing ping pong, there was this dramatic part where the ball got lost. It was such a tragedy, so we hired these people to play sad music, but we found the ball before they came so we would have told them to go away when they finally arrived, except we lost the ball again. However, that was okay because I found this oblong rubber bouncy ball to play with. It was so much fun, it was like playing with a football except it mostly bounced where you expected it to go. Unless you put spin on the ball. Then it went wild. We lost it soon after we tried putting spins on the ball. We think one of the people playing sad music swallowed it, so we tried to make them all throw up but they left instead. They shouldn't be allowed to have such fast cars. There should be a law saying that if you swallow oblong bouncy balls you should give your fast car away to someone in need. Like me. Obviously I'm in need, because I have a blog. Okay so that's not really true, but still. I could use some fast cars! I mean, how else am I going to impress that squirrel on the third floor of my building? Throw nuts at it? Give me a break, here! I've been throwing nuts at people and they all hate me! Are squirrels any different? Probably not, but I suppose we should strive for statistical accuracy. Anyone want to send me some nuts? Thanks!

Right. Ping pong. So anyway, after loosing the oblong rubber bouncy ball thing, we found the actual ping pong ball and we started playing with that again and became very good and putting spins on it. It was spinning so much that it was like that "you spin me right round baby" except it wasn't like a record, it was like a ping pong ball. Or, I suppose, like a grapefruit. But grapefruits sound nasty, because it isn't a grape, and it can get into your eyes. Grapes don't get into your eyes. At least not since I've started eating them, so they may just be planning something. I'd better eat them faster so they don't have time to pull off whatever they are trying to do.

So anyway, that was my experience with ping pong. Except for the things that happened. I didn't put that in there. Or maybe I did. I forget. But anyway, I have to go to the bathroom.